oh Really?

I'm not sure how did it. I mean, the memories are there, at least some of them, but how?  I don't really know.

     For instance: I did a morning talk show.  Radio. I co-hosted a talk show.  That's bizarre to me. Not only did I do it, but people actually spent their time listening to me. Strange. I spoke for several hours a day, essentially to myself.  When you think about it, it takes a special kind of person to talk to themselves for that long. And for awhile, at least, that special person was me.  Just jawing on and on about whatever I thought was important that day...

       I sold tobacco and wine and other high-end booze and smoke. Not only did I do it, but people actually spent their time listening to me. As though I knew what I was talking about. I'd go on for tens of minutes sometimes about flavors and tasting  notes as though I'd come up with them.  The real truth is that I read a little bit, took what I read to heart, and then seriously believed all the "notes" that I'd been handed by other "connoisseurs" and thought that I was really doing something. Thought I knew a thing or two about the swill I was schilling...

     Why did people listen to me? On both fronts.  I'm genuinely baffled.  Did  I ever really know what I was talking about? The answer is probably no.   But they went along anyway.  Why?  I guess I can portray a sense of confidence if I'm selling something. I mean, I do it now, and people readily flock to grab whatever I'm selling. It's sad.  Sad for them sure, but they're lemmings. I can't really blame them.  Sad for me, definitely, because I feel like a fraud.  Not even because the product is bad, but because I'm toeing the corporate line. I'm basically giving a speech I've been given by someone who thinks they are more important than me., or smarter than me. What's sad is they don't truly value their customer base.  If they did for real, they'd pay less attention to the formula and more attention to me and them.

       The truth is that everyone has found a formula, and it works well enough that they don't question it.  I mean, take my "pay" away, and they'd find another monkey to push the buttons and say the words.  And so it goes.  On and on...If necessity is the mother of invention, we, as a people, haven't needed for a long time.  Too long of time.  Where's the new shit?!  I know, I know.  It doesn't exist.  One guy says you have to be a part of a system in order to fuck it up from the inside.  This is not a new notion.  But I've been on the inside enough to know that nothing really ever changes.  Kinda sad really.  Nothing changes and I'm doomed to be a part of the repetition.  I will suck off of the bullshit teet until I'm weary of sucking.  I'll die following, of this I am sure.  But, goddammit, give me alittle bit to go on...

     Nope?

              Nothing?

        Ok then.  You're welcome!!! Here I go to say what you've told me to. Almost exactly.  Aren't you proud of me? You should be.

    So there it is.  I'm but a cog in this seemingly worthless machine. Forever buying in just like you are.  And it will always be.  Those that could actually make a difference will fall silently like they always have; and anyone who could make a real difference will slip into the background as intelligent flies on the wall ever commenting on how bad it is, and how good it might be if only they'd take part...